Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
