Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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