So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
