I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
