thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
tell me about the eggs
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