nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
