I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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