does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
