well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
