my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
