Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
