That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
