Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
