At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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