Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
