i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
