my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
