Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It was confusing and full of hummus
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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