I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
