I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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