so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
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Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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