i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
