Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
