yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
