when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
