Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
