you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
