I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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