you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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