i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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