wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
