Kareoke will never be a sober sport
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
