Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i think my cat just said my name.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize