My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
