dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
