is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
