I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Where is the hickey?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
sex in a hospital.. check
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
