Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
