I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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