Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
