I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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