I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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