He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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