I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
