If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
