Where is the hickey?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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