At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
