I got chris browned last night
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
