Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
