Your dad touched me again.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
