matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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