my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
