He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
