So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
