hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
