Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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