I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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