its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
