the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
