Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize