So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
