I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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