you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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