My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
