I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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