am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
