This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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